Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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