You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I am one with the molecules
I believe in your delicious
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize