she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
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There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
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Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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