i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
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There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
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I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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