I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
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Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
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It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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