did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
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I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
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I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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