happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
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His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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