What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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