I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Barsexuality is the new black.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize