I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize