he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
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I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
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Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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