Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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