I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize