I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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