Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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