I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
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after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
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I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I am available for nakedness
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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