theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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