Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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