i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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