I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize