So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
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Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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