Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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