She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
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also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
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I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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