i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize