i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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