we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
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I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
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I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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