I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize