I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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