I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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