fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she was so not down for the gang bang
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
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do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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