I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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