Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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