My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
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The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
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But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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