i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize