the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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