I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize