Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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