meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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