It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
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Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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