my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
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Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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