Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
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I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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