3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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