he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize