No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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