hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You're earring is so big in my mouth
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Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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