she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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