quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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