If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
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I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Your cock deserves a montage
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize