If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Randomize