The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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